I try hard to keep a positive mindset, about all things in life. I know that God has blessed me beyond measure. I have two beautiful, perfect children who consume my heart and soul. I adore them more than words can express.
Just over a month ago, the kids and I made the transition to civilian life. Upon the news that my husband would be medically discharged from the army in the coming months, he decided that it was the best move for our family for the kids and I to move back to the mitten state to get settled, find a house, and find stable sources of income to support us during this process of adjusting to a non-military lifestyle.
During this time, we've been able to stay with my parents. I'm incredibly grateful to have a support system as strong as I do to make this transition a little easier. Knowing we'll have a roof over our heads while we find a house of our own is so very comforting.
All that being said, solo parenting sucks.
I'm exhausted. All the time. The kids haven't grasped the boundaries set for them in my parents' home, so there's no such thing as productivity while they're awake. One of them is constantly getting into something they're not supposed to. The baby swimming in the dog water. The preschooler digging through the fridge. The baby pulling vents out of the floor. The preschooler going outside without telling me. The baby throwing things into the toilet. the preschooler playing in the bathroom. It's endless.
At our own home, we have good places for baby gates so I can contain them in safe places while I work. Here, that's not an option. I bought a book two weeks ago, and have read 35 pages. And feel accomplished I've read that much. I'm taking a semester off school because I know it will be practically impossible to keep up with it, while looking for a house, launching two businesses, adjusting to having a child in school, and learning to solo parent for an unknown amount of time.
Maybe I'm being a Debbie Downer tonight, but I'm just over it. When I tell our oldest "no," she screams for daddy, or grandma, or papa, or anyone who she think will coddle her and go against what I say. If I tell her no, and someone else comes home shortly after, she'll ask them and get what she wants anyway. My parenting styles are constantly under scrutiny, between still nursing our one year old (the WHO recommendation is to nurse until at least two years of age), "extended" rear facing (even though the law is now to rear face until two in MI), time outs, discipline, taking away screen time... I feel like everything I do is under a microscope and it's exhausting.
I didn't feel like this when we were in our own home, and maybe that's only because no one was there constantly, watching my every move. But now I can't help but feel like I'm doing everything wrong. I'm most definitely in survival mode now, and it's only been a month. I'm terrified for what the next year and a half (or more) holds for my sanity and self worth. Single moms, I tip my hat to you. I don't know how you do it.